"I Feel Guilty About Wanting to Leave My Job"

I love the Mormon Messages but this is not my favorite one I've come across, "You Never Know"  You can watch it HERE People have commented their mixed feelings about the video on whether the mom should have Just Said No, or give praise for going out of her way to help others even though her hands are full as they were, and feeling bad thinking she didn't get what she wanted done but in end it turned out to be a good day because you never how you never know how much you made a difference in people's lives but that is none of what I want to talk about.  

What I want to talk about is the scene where the mother meets up with her sister at the park. 

Based on the conversation, her sister is not happy at her current job.  Emphasis added on lines in particular. 

Mom: So what are you going to do?
Sister: I don't know.  Everyone is looking to me to help them.  But I don't want to stay there if I'm not happy.  But at the same time I don't want to abandon them.  I really just want to think about myself, but I can't.  
Mom: That's frustrating.  That makes ME angry.  Like today--.
Sister: --I know.  I don't want to bother you with it though. 
Mom: No, you're not bothering me with it.  But Heidi, if you left, who else would be able to help them? 

Oh dear, what will her employer and team do without her??  
My response: her employer and teammates will be fine anyway if she decides to quit! 

Let me explain how.  

It is the responsibility of her current employer to resource the work it has committed to accomplishing.  As part of that responsibility, the company has a duty to adapt when (not if) resources change.  The company's options include replacing, reprioritizing or reshuffling the work stream.  However, resolving this situation is NOT Heidi's fault or her responsibility.  That's the problem I saw in the job scene, the message portrayed it as being her problem.   Women in paid jobs following this approach actually set themselves up for career hindrance.  

In fact, many women have a big problem feeling guilty about leaving their jobs for something better.  They end up staying and get paid peanuts to their male counterparts for years.  

Are any of you facing a similar situation in your paid jobs?  You can think about it this way: 

First: 
Just because you're leaving or wanting to leave the company/division/department and that causes a change in the status quo, it isn't your responsibility to fix it or that you're causing the team to suffer.  The cause of the team's suffering is the choice that the company made, ultimately, because they have the responsibility to work through resource changes.  

Second:
Good employers/bosses/colleagues/teammates never take someone leaving a job personally, and if an employer does take it personal, then you might as well wonder what else do they take personal with you and why on earth you want to work for someone like that?  I mean, they don't take it personal when they have to layoff employees.  

Third:
You have to do what is right for your situation, and you should feel no guilt if you give proper notice.  Only exception to this is if the reason for leaving was due to being treated very poorly on the job (I'm talking things like harassment, discrimination, bullying and nothing was done from the employer's part to resolve it) then you don't owe them any notice.  

Fourth: 
People might struggle at first when faced with filling your shoes if you were a good employee, but someone always steps up.  It is not your job to worry about the company after you leave.  Don't feel guilty at all.  

Fifth:
Ultimately you have to make the decision that works best for you and really figure out if it is an opportunity that will better you.  You spend most of your waking life at a job. Why waste your life being unhappy going to/from your work??  I promise you guys, there is no better sense of joy when you find yourself at a job where you look forward coming to each day and leave from work feeling accomplished in what you've done on a daily basis.  

Sixth:
Instead of telling Heidi "If not you, then who?" I'd tell her to put her career and best interest of her family above loyalty to  people who didn't care if she worked there or not.  It will also be a good time to ask for a raise, which is probably the bigger issue at hand.  

Finally:
I'd tell her that if she doesn't take this new opportunity, or even try to look for new opportunities, someone else will and her current company will know that they can leave her right where she is for a very long time and her loyalty will keep her there.  

Sticky Interview Questions and How Best to Respond

There are questions asked in job interviews where the question is obviously simple but you don't know how best to respond because of something negative, sensitive, or private you experienced in the past.  You want to give the best answer but at the same time, not volunteer information that could keep you from getting hired.   

"Oh man.  How do I answer THAT question....?"

Here are some interview questions that you will most likely be asked.  If you are nervous, don't worry I'll share from my experiences on how best to respond.    

What would your former supervisors/co-workers say about you?
This is tough if you had bosses that hated you for whatever reason.  Maybe the real reason you're interviewing is because of your boss or co-workers.  The solution in this dilemma is to pick three qualities that tie with what the company is looking for or matches its company values.  And say that you volunteer help when needed.  

What did you like most or least about your supervisors?
Never rat off on a boss you thought wasn't good even if 100 people who worked for that boss think the same.  The solution is to keep it positive, there is always at least something positive about them.  Just begin with this:

"I admired them for their skills and ability to solve problems..."

What were the reasons for leaving your previous jobs? Why did you leave your last job?
These are valid questions that need good answers.  But what if you left your job for a reason you DON'T want the interviewer to know because it may lead to a bias in hiring?  I answered with:

"I left Company X for Company Y because I had an offer for a position which allowed me to learn the skills that are applicable to this job at Company Z.  I left Company Y for personal reasons"

Personal Reasons is what clever professionals say instead of:

"I'm being harassed at work" 
"I'm about to get fired"
"I moved for my spouse's job transfer"
"I was hospitalized and could not work"
"I left my job to care for my baby"

and anything else that is personal.  

Saying you left your job for personal reasons will make some interviewers curious and wonder if you have something to hide.  At the same time, your interviewers cannot ask you questions that will trigger a bias in hiring.  

If the interviewer does follow up with asking what those personal reasons were, reiterate politely "They were for personal reasons"  You are not obligated to tell them details and it's not appropriate for the interviewer to ask for more details of personal reasons.  

The hiring manager at my current position did not ask what my personal reasons were, but she did handled it appropriately and asked if whether my personal reasons would affect doing the job.  I replied with:

"No.  I have taken care of what I needed to do during that time and ready to commit to full-time employment again"

We moved on to to the rest of the interview, invited back for a second interview, and then to an offer at my current position. :) 

Lesson learned: Good hiring managers are more interested in your skills, abilities, and aptitude to do the job.  Not your personal life.  

Should some rules be followed more than others? What is your opinion on SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) and policies?
"Personal: Jaywalking on an empty road.  Professional: I review and follow company procedures.  I follow SOPs, and if there is a need for improvement, I will follow company procedure in how to address that and follow the suggestions and advice from my supervisors and colleagues"

Any mention of following company policy is safe and legit to answer.  It's probably the best thing to mention.  Plus you need to follow the rules   

When you are asked a really hard interview question or a question that could throw you off...

you respond first by saying "That's a great question..." this will ease the anxiety and give clarity as to what you will say next.  An example I've gotten at an interview:

What would you do if a higher-up supervisor asks you to monitor your boss?

"That's a great question...I wouldn't know 100% what to do.  I'd first turn to company policy to review if the request was appropriate and follow procedure from there"

The interviewer smiled at my response and then asked:

What if there isn't a company policy?

"That's even a better question...I think in that situation, I would review the information I received and present it to HR, who would be an excellent resource in guiding me into the right direction of what I need to do in that case"

After that, the interviewer smiled and said:
That's one of the best responses I've heard to this question!

I didn't get that job from that interview.  But I was really happy for how well I did which gave me a boost of confidence at other interviews leading to the job I'm in now which I love!

Realtors

If you're shopping for a home, you should get a realtor.  It costs you nothing as a buyer to use one.
If you're selling your home, you are probably better off using a realtor if you want to sell quick.

However, some tips (as I love to give unsolicited advice...a blog is a great way to do that)

Please make sure your real estate agent isn't:

• A friend
• A relative
• A member you know from your church

Because if (s)he sucks, it will be hard to cut them off and lose more in your time and especially money. 



If nothing else, when checking out a real estate agent...if they tell you they're full-time, you got to find out what their definition of "full-time" means before going further. Real estate may be all what they're doing but involved in 1-3 transactions in a year.  You want someone involved in a lot more transactions per year than that. 

Think about it.  If you are planning to sell your home and get an inexperienced seller's agent, you risk having them sell your home at too low of a price so that a more experienced buyer's agent will notice it, and tell their buyers to go ahead and make an offer.  

When it comes to buyer vs seller, whomever's agent that has the most experience and knowledge of the market will win.  

The Best Priced Diapers to Buy

If disposable diaper brand isn't important to you (and why should they be -- they all end up in the trash after use!) but PRICE is, the best priced diapers that I've found that get the job done is...

Comforts by Baby*.  They are carried by any store that sells Kroger products.  
They are far better priced than buying diapers at Costco or Amazon Mom any day.  

They're the ones in the green box with the firefly that is mistaken for a bee.  I think they are good diapers, soft and thick.  Like any diaper, including cloth, as long as you change often and practice good hygiene, your baby won't get rashes.  

The best thing about these diapers is that if you have a Smith's app (or Kroger app), you can download Comforts for Baby coupons to your rewards card keychain.  The coupons range $2-3 dollars and you get one every month.  

Usually they retail at 18.99 for their biggest box. For Size 5 diapers, it is 20 cents a diaper.  With a $2 off coupon, they are $16.99, 18 cents a diaper. 

Sometimes though, when a good Comforts for Baby coupon is circulating, the price of a box goes up to $20.99, which is still pretty good for Size 5 diapers at 22 cents a diaper.  But most of the time, they sell for $18.99.

Compare this with the Costco brand, Kirkland Signature. At $38.99, for a box of 150 Size 5 diapers, 26 cents a piece.  Sometimes Costco has a $6 coupon, making it 22 cents a diaper.  
Guys, that is still more expensive per diaper than buying Kroger diapers WITHOUT a coupon!  

The Southern Savers couponing blog has a terrific and helpful chart reference on best diaper price for a variety of sizes.  I recommend reviewing it before you start price booking on diapers.

Boxes for Comforts for Baby start selling at Size 2.  I only buy small packs if it's $4.99 or less.  Once in a while, I manage to get a pack of Pampers for $4.99 but not often, it's only possible with a $3 coupon combined with a store promotion.  There is another Kroger diaper brand however, called p$$t! that has Size 1 diapers retailing for $4.99.  They are just like Comforts for Baby but thinner.  

Here are the quantities for boxes retailing at $18.99 as of 4/13/2015 with the exception of Size 1.  Comforts for Baby at Size 1 sells for $5.99 a pack.  I bought them only when I had a coupon (making it less than $4.99 a pack)


- Many times, I've managed to pay $16.99 for a box.  
- Boxes last a little over 3 weeks of diaper changes.  

COMFORTS FOR BABY
Size 1   44 ct = 14 cents
Size 2 148 ct = 13 cents
Size 3 128 ct = 15 cents
Size 4 112 ct = 17 cents
Size 5   96 ct = 20 cents

At the beginning of this month I bought a box selling at $18.99 with a $2 coupon.  
On 7/22/2015 we bought another box at $20.99 with a $3 coupon.  
That made it buying a total of 192 diapers at Size 5 for $34.98 at 18 cents a piece.  

From my last two purchases with coupons, I got about a week and a half worth of diapers than if I were to buy the store brand at Costco at retail for $38.99.  Another way to look at it is that instead of paying $4 more at Costco, I got an additional 42 diapers by buying Comforts for Baby.  That's like paying 10 cents a piece for 42 diapers of Size 5!!!!

Which leads to the next thing in mind: are cloth diapers worth the money?  

This will largely depend on whom you talk to, but in this case you are talking to me, a person that is very objective on price, and tells it like it is with how money is made.  The thing I'll point out about with what I see with cloth diapering that most people do not is that cloth diapers have become a huge business where one can easily sell diapers to parents willing to pay $800 to $1500 upfront and never come back again.  Kind of like wedding vendors and used car salesmen, the price for a good elsewhere is usually inflated a lot more when you attach "wedding", "used" or in this case, "cloth"  

I do not know how cloth diaper advocates come up with such high costs for disposables because in a year, we spend under $330 on disposables for one child.  The low cost is driven by the coupons and also the cash back for groceries swiping our credit card.   

If you are apprehensive about cloth diapering and worried about paying for disposable diapers, the good news is that you can still save just as much, or even more money using disposables instead of cloth.  Again, Comforts for Baby are the best priced diapers I've seen to date.  




*disclamer I receive no incentives promoting this product.