Monday, September 9, 2013

Married Couples Moving in With Parents? 10 Reasons you Shouldn't.

With a baby on the way and being a one income household, it would make financial sense to move in with in-laws/parents to "save money for a house" 

Pretty common here in Utah and even accepted.  

I'm all for saving money and living frugally but I'll explain why this type of financial arrangement is not and never will be an option for us.  In fact, Dave and I highly discourage this.  

  1. Being ready to be husband and wife meant that the two of us can look out for each other physically, emotionally, and financially; WE put our own roof over our heads. WE put our our own food on the table. 
  2. We became our own family.  As a new family, there are things that we need to learn and adapt with each other and those things we need to face alone, the two of us, not with parents in tow.  This makes us grow closer, stronger, and more united as a couple. 
  3. It's an ideal situation for a young couple to live rent-free at their parents, but that doesn't mean it is for parents/in-laws.  
  4. "We can't afford to pay rent" is not a logical excuse for us.  If that happened, we would find a cheaper place to stay, even if it meant a one bedroom or a studio apartment.  Or even better, see what else we're wasting our money on and use that for rent.  
  5. All of the couples I know that said "Oh we're just staying there no more than 3-6 months" Guess what?  All ended up living there at least a year or more with a couple of kiddos in between.  You may think that you're saving but I doubt spending habits had changed and/or improved when you stay longer than originally planned.  Makes sense, if you don't have bills, you are more likely to blow your money than save!
  6. If you're not forced to be a poor married couple, you won't look hard enough at your other expenses and see where you can cut and save!  There is always something to cut out from your budget.  Once you figure what to cut out, put what you would have spent into in your savings!  Duh!  
  7. We want our privacy!  That is golden especially when we're starting our lives together.  How hard it would be getting to know my husband better at a deeper level and have someone listening to what you do and talk about? No thanks!
  8. We want to be the head of our own home!  We want to run things the way we want for our family.  You can't do that when you live with family.
  9. We want our extended families to visit us whenever they want to, without ever feeling intrusive. "I want to visit my daughter and grand baby but I feel that I'm not visiting her at her home, it's her mother-in-law's home" 
  10. We are adults.  Adult things include paying bills and rent.  Not avoiding them.   

Yes rent is expensive.  Dave's commute to work is very long.  Our take-home pay has been slashed by  half.  There's a baby coming.  

However, both us work as a team to make sure we manage our finances, and sometimes we just have to say NO to going out to eat, buying gifts, shopping for clothes, travel, and hold off a little longer on bigger purchases. 

We don't spend more than what we earn.  Against the rules of common sense.  

The best thing is, that if there is an unforeseen expense, like a car repair, we can cover it ourselves from savings.  We don't have to call our parents to send us money to pay rent.  Or give us money to pay for gas.  

A lot of people would use the phrase "extended families should lend support when needed"  but we are commanded to "honor thy father and thy mother" not burden them with our financial problems that we created on our own and get parents to fix it. 

We are much happier in the long run as a result.  Self-satisfaction plus more respect and trust from both sets of parents. 

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